Updated from the archives, because Monday remains a repeat offender.
It is funny how Monday happens again and again, despite its lack of popularity.
If I were Monday, I would be so embarrassed.
I would do something.
Move to another spot.
Rebrand myself as a cool, happy day.
Maybe get a theme song.
Anything would be better than strolling in every week like the end of all joy as we know it.
The strange thing is, I do not go to bed on Sunday night thinking, “Wow, tomorrow is really going to be bad.”
I am actually an optimistic person. Sometimes to the point of annoying. Ask my kids. I go to bed filled with a sense of possibility.
And sometimes Monday does not even wait until I wake up.
Sometimes it barely waits for midnight before it starts hosing down the optimism.
I am not sure which is worse, anxiety dreams or the inability to sleep at all. Either way, daylight arrives like a beacon of hope to everything except the dark bags under my eyes.
As if being seventy-something was not hard enough on the old bags.
There is no concealer on the planet powerful enough to hide the double whammy of age plus a Monday-caused sleepless night.
So here is the plan.
We need a better day to step up and be first in the work and school week.
Personally, I am fond of Wednesday. Wednesday has balance. It has perspective. It knows how to pace itself.
But I would also be open to moving Friday into the Monday slot.
Not just swapping them, though. That feels too easy. And frankly, Monday would probably contaminate Friday on the way past. No, I think we need a full weekday reshuffle.
Sunday stays where it is. Messing with God’s day does not seem like a good plan.
Saturday also stays. You do not mess with what works.
But the rest of the week? Fair game.
Thursday might be a strong candidate for first place. Let us be honest, Thursday is mostly known for being the day before Friday. It has had years to sit there, observe the situation, and soak up the data.
Thursday might be ready.
Thursday might really step up.
Thursday could absolutely show Monday how it is done.
Of course, we have to be careful where we put Friday. If Thursday finally gets a promotion, then putting Friday right after it might cause some workplace resentment. Thursday has spent centuries living in Friday’s shadow. We do not need a bitter Thursday. Nobody wants that.
Tuesday is tricky, too. Tuesday has always felt like Monday’s echo. Not as rude, but still suspicious. Tuesday may need some supervision.
And then there is Monday.
It will be hard to find a new spot for Monday because, let us be honest, it has really messed in its nest.
Maybe we rename it completely before we slot it back in. Sort of like the Witness Protection Program for disgraced weekdays.
Formerly Monday.
The Day Who Must Not Be Named.
Possibly Kevin.
So, after careful consideration, here is my proposed new weekday lineup:
Thursday first, because it has earned a chance to lead.
Wednesday second, because it brings calm, capable middle-child energy.
Tuesday third, because we should keep an eye on it.
Friday fourth, because joy should still arrive before the weekend.
And then Kevin.
Formerly Monday.
Safely tucked close enough to Saturday that it cannot do too much damage.
The weekend remains untouched, because I am not a monster.
So what do you think? Do you have a preferred weekday lineup?
Give me your pitch for why your favorite day should go first.
I am open to suggestions.
I just wish Monday was.
Speaking of rebrands, one of my books recently got a new look.
The Spy Who Kissed Me has a refreshed cover, and I am tickled with how cute it turned out. It is still the same perilously fun romantic suspense adventure inside, complete with danger, laughs, and a spy who makes a very unexpected entrance through a writer’s sunroof.
Take a peek at the refreshed cover here: https://payhip.com/b/GdWh
So what do you think? Do you have a preferred weekday lineup?