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If I had Minions…

That’s what’s missing from my life! Minions!

I had an aha moment while cruising my newsfeed on Facebook, a realization that something critical is missing from my life.


I don’t long to be a Despicable Me, but would I have to be to have my own minions? Think of all one could do if one had minions–not to mention the things one would not have to do, like housework. And a swarm of minions would grocery shop much faster than I could. One might worry about the outcome of such shopping but proper minions would learn one’s tastes quickly, or they can’t be called “minion,” now could could they?

Is there a place where minions are trained? An employment agency? Though…one doesn’t pay minions, does one? And how are they fed? Do they eat scraps from the table and do we have enough scraps to feed a swarm? Cause I’d want a swarm. Just a few minions would be sad. Maybe if I was a vampire or a mad scientist, one minion would do it, because the lack of numbers would be made up by other powers, evil over-Lordishness, and such. But I’d definitely want/need a swarm of minions.

There are other good reasons to have a swarm if one desires to be a good minion, over lord. They’d need vacations, days off, time to catch a movie. So I’d need a few minions to do the minion schedule, minion maintenance and so forth.

If I had minions, I wouldn’t have to worry about the minions, or other minor details. I could concentrate on large issues, like World Peace and committing better fictional mayhem. And I’d never run out of Diet Dr. Pepper or Junior Mints.

Is there a downside to minions? Since I don’t have any, it is need to know. Anyone with minion experience willing to share basic minion factoids? If you had minions, what would you have them do? Would you opt for the evil or benevolent minion plan? These minions don’t actually do minion stuff, but they are very cute:

Steampunk Minions from Joseph Drust

pauline baird jones, author, writer, romantic suspense author, science fiction romance author, humor, steampunk, minions

Big Mama Minion would be in charge of my other minions. (Check out Durst’s other steampunk minions. So cute!)

So what’s your take on minions? Please share because I love comments, and because of my love of comments, I I have a monthly drawing for those who comment. At stake is a $10 gift card of awesomeness to the amazing AnaBanana’s Bath and Body Treats. Her Zombie Zoaps are hilarious and they make your zombies smell better. Winner will be announced in my Sept 3rd blog post, but be sure to leave an email addy, too. :-)

pauline baird jones, author, writer, romantic suspense author, science fiction romance author, humor, minions, contest

Perilously yours,


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