Not Quite Fan Mail #BirdsCanBeBitter

So, the word is out that Found Girl, has flamingos in there.

I got a lovely thank you note from a flamingo.

Dear Author,

Good job.

Yours on one leg,

Chilean Flamingo

But some other birds are pushing back. Here are some of the comments I’m getting from birds (translated for your convenience, of course):

From this great egret:

Dear Author, I have heard through the bird-line that you did not include egrets in your upcoming release. If we find your car, it won’t be pretty.

Sincerely,

A GREAT Egret

The roadrunner pauses to inquire:

Dear Author,

What the heck? Flamingos? Coyotes would own them.

Speedily,

The RoadRUNNER

The Great Blue Heron wants to know:

Dear Author,

I have been hearing you dissed us herons. We won’t forget this.

Yes, I’ve got one eye on you,

The Also GREAT Blue Heron

A pelican weighed in, too:

Dear Author,

Are you kidding me?

Also a,

GREAT White Pelican

And then this creepy one came:

Dear Author,

We will not forget this defamation of our species. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Looking at you,

Marabou Storks who speak for ALL storks

I did write them back.

Dear [fill in the bird blank except for the storks],

Thank you for writing to me about your concern. Rest assured that I plan to feature other amazing and GREAT bird species in upcoming Project Enterprise books.

GREATly humbled and perilously yours,

Pauline

And to the storks:

Dear Scary Storks,

I am writing on behalf of Pauline Baird Jones, the DECEASED author of Found Girl to let you know that I have it on good authority [Goodreads] that she is deceased, kaput, no more, pushing up daisies, [see Dead Parrot Sketch for further synonyms, oh, wait. No dead parrots here either.] and no longer of this world. So tracking her down would be pointless. (That’s a stunt double on Facebook Live. Okay, not a great one, but it’s not easy getting a stunt double for a dead author.)

So don’t eat me. It’s not my fault.

Perilously NOT yours and not her,

Jane Doe

So, now you know. Perilous Pauline is not writing blogs or books. Really. But if you have a question for her stunt double, please ask away. I…she…we all love comments [that aren’t threatening] so much that I pick a favorite to receive my monthly AnaBanana gift basket ($25 value).  (And don’t forget that once a quarter I’ll be tossing in something fun from the Perilously Fun Shop!) The recipient is announced in the first blog post of the new month.

Perilously yours,

Pauline’s Stunt Double from an unknown location