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I Got a Klout Perk of Moo Cards…What??

…and other incomprehensible social media jargon.


I thought I’d done my bat crap crazy blog, but–during an exchange of social media information with some authors–I realized that one can never be done with bat crap crazy while one can still draw breath.

I made the comment in the blog title to my sister, “I got a Klout perk of Moo cards,” knowing it was whacky and not surprised when she looked at me like I’d gone bat crap crazy.

I remember giving a talk to my writer’s group when Twitter first emerged into social media. Now there are dictionaries of twitter terms but then you had to wing it. Yeah, I know, bad pun. Even with a warning, their faces got interesting when I threw words around like, tweet, twibes, twittosphere, tweetdeck and trying to explain hashtags made their eyes cross.

You people think I’m scary?

Bat. Crap. Crazy.

What if an alien, or a time traveler from the past eavesdropped on real conversations?

“I am, like, so going to ‘like’ that when I get home.”

“I would more than ‘like’ you if I could, but I can’t.”

“Hey, man, I like, tried to jump over my house using two trampolines and it like, went viral on YouTube, so I can pay my hospital bill. And I’m a hashtag on Twitter.”

“Crap, some rat fink just ousted me as Mayor of Hooters.”

Is your eye twitching yet? Both?

“Do you Pinterest? You don’t? That’s just so sad.”

“My FaceBook status is that I have no status.”

“I took a picture of a girl’s braces and it’s already got half a million views.”

“Your smart phone is so last week.”

“My smart phone is smarter than your smart phone.”

My daughter went to Mexico City and checked in on FourSquare the whole trip. I kept waiting to see her checking in from at Cartel Hideout

So, in honor of the social media madness, I offer the following quotes found on, ta-da, social media sites:

“On Twitter we get excited if someone follows us. In real life we get really scared and run away.” ~Unknown via @mozusa

“Twitter provides us with a wonderful platform to discuss/confront societal problems. We trend Justin Bieber instead.” ― Lauren Leto

I hear YouTube, Twitter and Facebook are merging to form a super Social Media site – YouTwitFace. Conan O’Brien, The Tonight Show (June 2009)

Don’t say anything online that you wouldn’t want plastered on a billboard with your face on it. Erin Bury, Community Manager at Sprouter,

Social Media is like teen sex. Everyone wants to do it. No one actually knows how. When finally done, there is surprise it’s not better. Author Unknown – Tweeted by Avinash Kaushik (February 2009), Analytics Evangelist at Google,

Everyone says Social Media is a unicorn, but maybe it’s just a horse? Jay Baer, Convince & Convert

“LinkedIn is for the people you know. Facebook is for the people you used to know. Twitter is for people you want to know” ~ Source unknown

For the aliens, time travelers, and possibly a couple of Rip Van Winkle’s, I offer these sites that explain social media much better than I can:

Kristen Lamb  (hilarious and wise, Wed are her social media days)

Copyblogger  (kind of an Obiwan of how to write copy and great links)

DIY Blogger  (Claim they are for business brains, but I’m proof the doofus can learn, too)

And just for fun, check out:

Two Nerdy History Girls – Bestselling authors Loretta Chase & Isabella Bradford gossip about history, writing, and yes, shoes.

Life Out Loud – Be yourself, everything else is taken…

Cowbell – You need more of it

So, overheard or developed an eye twitch from social media speak? Weirdest thing you’ve heard (or wished you hadn’t)? What makes you crazy/happy/want to go fetal about social media? And epic fail? We’ll only tell 6,000 of our followers. Promise!

Because I value what you have to say, I have a monthly drawing for those who comment on any blog during the month of July. At stake is a $10 gift card to the amazing AnaBanana’s Bath and Body Treats. Winner is announced in my August 6th blog post, but be sure to leave an email addy, too. 🙂

Pauline Baird Jones, author, writer, romantic suspense author, science fiction romance author

Perilously and bat crap crazily yours,


Pauline Baird Jones, author, writer, romantic suspense author, science fiction romance author, Kicking AshePauline Baird Jones has probably been bat crap crazy from birth. She has brothers. That is why she commits fictional mayhem, too. To find out more about her fictional mayhem, i.e. her books, click on her website above or pop over to You’ll be glad you did. Really. 




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