It Was Darn Near Noble. #SpyWhoKissedMe #Excerpt

If you’ve been hanging in here on the blog, then you know I’ve been doing a little (mental) time travel, reflecting on Books of Years Past. It felt like I needed to as 2020 finally winds down (though still painfully slowly!). 

Prior to The Spy Who Kissed Me, I’d been struggling to find a story—any story, short or long—to get from my brain and onto the page. When I got the idea for Spy, it was like my brain got unplugged. I can still remember the thrill, and yes, joy I felt as words flowed from my brain onto the page. Some days I would type until the tips of my fingers were numb. My hands couldn’t keep up with my brain. 

So, it seemed appropriate to share some of those words with you today. Here’s what Spy is about:

This suburbanite is about to meet a dashing spy…

Isabel “Stan” Stanley is stuck in a rut in the DC suburbs. As a wannabe romance writer, she hopes a sexy muse falls into her lap. But she never expected a handsome spy to dive through her sunroof…

Pursued by a hail of bullets, international CIA Agent Kelvin Kapone didn’t have plans to make a friend. But when his latest mission puts him in the bewildering burbs, the charming Stan is a surprisingly strong guide. As he discovers a chilling terrorist plot, Kelvin doesn’t want to admit that he may just need the suburbanite’s help…

Despite her best efforts, Stan can’t break free from the dangerous mission. And while being in close quarters with a sexy spy is getting her great material for her novel, it won’t do her much good if they both end up dead…

The Spy Who Kissed Me is a suspenseful comedic romance novel. If you like high-stakes action, laugh-out-loud scenes, and stories where opposites attract, then you’ll love Pauline Baird Jones’ award-winning tale of espionage. 

Buy The Spy Who Kissed Me to pucker up for a fun, flirty escape today!

And now for the excerpt:

My life started to flash before my eyes, but I got bogged down coming up with explanations for some things that God might not understand. Above the frantic thump of my heart, I heard the hum of an engine. The metallic creak of an opening door was followed by the scrape of cowboy boots against the pavement.

I abandoned explanations and went for the gun.

As I groped across his unconscious body, snowflakes drifted down, settling on my exposed neck like tiny, icy fingers that turned into rivulets trickling down my back. Fear made a knot in my stomach above the spot the gear shift was digging into.

If I got out of this alive, I was never driving manual again.

I scrabbled harder, pushing my face into Kelvin Kapone-with-a-K’s side, groping along the side of him and the car’s floor. So intent was I on weaponry, at first I didn’t register the wet warmth against the side of my head where it pressed into his stomach. Even before I lifted my head for a look, I knew what I’d find. He wasn’t the type to pass out from fright. The hot chocolate I had swilled earlier signaled an urgent request to—like Elvis—leave. Talk about coming to a sticky end. 

The sudden blast of light was startling, painful after the near black I’d been straining to peer through. Had a heavenly apparition appeared to save me?

Only if the angel was disguised as a skinny, bald guy in a bathrobe holding a shotgun. He peered into the dark outside his stoop, his hands working the firing mechanism. Cowboy boots didn’t linger to see if the bald guy was serious. He just scuttled back down the driveway. 

I wanted to enjoy the moment, feel the relief, but my companion was bleeding to death all over my sister’s car. Despite my lack of a Florence Nightingale gene, but for the honor of my sex, I mentally ran down the list of what I was wearing that could be converted into a bandage. My bra was out. Dispensable, but minuscule. Non-absorbent sweater. Take too long to get down to my panties because of the tightness of jeans. That left my thermal top. I eyed him for a few seconds before turning my back on him and shedding the wooly sweater, then the top. Between the chill of the night air on my semi-bare upper body and fear, my teeth were chattering up a storm before I got my sweater back on and turned toward my patient.

It didn’t take long to apply the starkly white thermals to his manly, bloody chest. I had to use my chin to hold the top in place while I shoved both my arms and its sleeves behind his back and knotted them. Despite the seriousness of the situation, I felt ridiculous crouched over the gear shift, chin deep in blood, hugging an unconscious man so I could tie my underwear around his mid-section. Dignity has been mostly missing in action in my life. I write about a roach. I live with my mother. But that doesn’t mean I’ve given up all hope. There’s a sliver of it down there somewhere. 

He started to stir while my arms were still wrapped around him and I felt the last sliver of dignity leave, too. I opened my mouth to babble an explanation, but only managed a squeak before he reciprocated the wrapping of arms and upped the stakes by nuzzling my neck with his mouth. I would have struggled, but I was too shocked. Then, well, the feel of his mouth on my skin, his warm breath stirring the tendrils of my hair felt—good. Besides, if I struggled it might loosen the underwear. Not struggling was the righteous thing to do.

It was darn near noble.

I hope this excerpt gives you a sense of the wild and crazy ride that is The Spy Who Kissed Me. I know I had way too much fun writing this story. Hahaha (The brackets are because it used to be called Pig in a Park.)

Perilously yours,

Pauline

P.S. When the book released, it got some wonderful reviews—heady stuff for a new author (and also kind of intimidating! Could I do it again?? Stick with the blog to find out! haha)

“The Spy Who Kissed Me will entertain you, make you laugh, give your grey cells a bit of a work out, and lift your mood. This book is such a gem and I absolutely loved it. The Spy Who Kissed Me is FUN in book form.” Manic Readers

“Pauline Baird Jones’ debut contemporary, [The Spy Who Kissed Me] is a delightful madcap romp that will leave readers eagerly anticipating future works by this amazing new talent.” Patricia Rouse, Romantic Times Columnist

“Pauline Baird Jones’ humor is exquisite comic genius! Her characters are phenomenal and colorful as a rainbow. Move over James Bond!” Suzanne Coleburn, The Bells and Beaux of Romance

“[The Spy Who Kissed Me]” by Pauline B. Jones is a lively, sharply-written new cozy…that deserves attention.” Dick Adler, Crime Watch

“. . . . a remarkable new talent . . Pauline Baird Jones and her hilarious novel [The Spy Who Kissed Me] make their debut. Written in first person, this adventurous romp is a 14 karat gem, and I for one would love to see more from this vastly amusing author.” RT Book Reviews, Nomiated for RT Book Reviews Reviewer’s Choice Award

“A romantic suspense, action-packed mystery, or a sizzling romance, the choice is yours because [The Spy Who Kissed Me] is all three, and more. . . The characters are many, varied, and unusual. The plot has as many twists as a kitten-snarled ball of yarn, but Ms. Jones manages to smooth out every kink, unsnarl the impossible, and deliver a book that is absolutely engrossing, engaging, and balm for your funny bone.” Under The Covers Reviews

“[The Spy Who Kissed Me] is at once a mystery, a suspense thriller, an action adventure, a comedy, and a romance.  Ms. Jones is a talented author who has a funny, unique way of looking at the world that will delight fans of almost any genre.  Her heroine is extraordinary, her dialogue is catchy, and her plot . . . well, her plot must be experienced to be believed.  This is a great book.” Painted Rock Writers Colony

“Pauline Baird Jones bursts onto the scene with an irresistibly fun-filled voice . . . [“The Spy Who Kissed Me”] is the perfect showcase for this highly talented author . . .The reader will keep turning pages well into the night. Ms. Jones’ sense of humor shines throughout the book, leaving one with a fond memory of fun even after the last page is turned.” Word Museum

“Pauline Baird Jones brings us on a delightfully wild caper through mystery, adventure and love in her debut book. I laughed right from the beginning and was sorry the story had to end. ” The Lover’s Knot