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Dewlaps, Wattles and Jowls, Oh My!

super minion

Able to out run all all obstacles but the jowls… SuperMinion
Comicpalooza Houston 2015 Copyright by Wyojones. All rights reserved. Used with permission.

The subject of jowls came up during a panel on blogging at ApolloCon. Okay, I might have brought it up when I was asked if I planned any sort of YouTube broadcasting, as part of my blogging.

Um, no, I do not put these jowls on camera anymore than I can help.

They are camera HOGS. Seriously, the camera supposedly adds five pounds, but to jowls? Five pounds each, then another for the whole face. The combination of genetics and gravity is the gift that just keeps growing. And sagging.

So since I’m talking jowls, I thought it would be fun to do some “fun” jowl facts. First, a definition:

jowl

Noun

Plural noun: jowls

the lower part of a person’s or animal’s cheek, especially when it is fleshy or drooping.

the cheek of a pig used as meat.

the loose fleshy part of the neck of certain animals, such as the dewlap of cattle or the wattle of birds.

I’m trying to decide if I’d like it better if it was called a dewlap or wattle, but even though dewlap sounds gentler and maybe a little kinder, it would still be “fleshy and drooping.” And, let’s just be honest and admit that “wattle” is too close to “wobble.”

Okay, there aren’t really any “fun” facts about jowls. But I did try.

I Googled “jowls” and of course, got some links to videos and such that are supposed to get rid of them “permanently.”

Because you can totally win against genetics, gravity and time. And you can win the lottery by not buying a ticket.

Of course there is plastic surgery (does anyone else find the use of “plastic” in conjunction with “jowls” a bit disturbing?). I’m not saying that some jowls won’t submit to the knife. I’m just saying there is evidence that our family jowls are…resistant…to elimination and/or suppression.

And that if I tried, they will come back stronger and bigger and droopier. (Wow, that is a word. I totally thought spell check would get me on droopier.)

I have this feeling that the jowls will be the last thing to turn to dust in my coffin. If they don’t petrify first. Okay, wouldn’t petrified jowls be a kicker mummy/zombie movie?

The Jowls Rise Again. 

The Jowl Also Rises. And so Does the Other Jowl 

The Curse of the Mummy Jowls

Zombie Jowls

I’d run screaming from those movies, except my jowls would probably be starring in them. And I’d have to drag them along with me if they weren’t, which would totally slow me down.

I wonder what zombie jowls would go after instead of brains?

Yes, I totally wrote that line AFTER thinking it. And yes, it scares me, too.

So, do you ever ponder jowls? Are they in your future? Your present? Your past (however did you manage that?) You know I love comments so much that I pick a favorite to receive my monthly AnaBanana gift basket ($25 value).  Recipient is announced the first blog post of the new month.

Perilously yours,

Pauline

P.S. I’m a little stumped on what to PS about here, because I deliberately write my characters jowl-free. I figure I make their lives miserable enough without adding jowls. I guess I’ll just mention that Relatively Risky will only be on sale until the end of June.

Relatively Risky cover art

The Big Easy isn’t always easy…